Canineisius College Researchers…

Canineisius College Researchers…

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Professor Laryat Leashlaw has just finished an extensive study of hundreds of dog breeds along with their owners regarding their “walking” habits, discovering much. Correlating their tether length along with proximity to their owners he has been able to assign IQ values to several types of man’s best friends.

*Type 1:  No bias against size, but generally he has found that most pinters, those pets who on their hinds only reach about sock high are low on the quotient. When strolling time comes their zeal consumes them, even though they do not know quite why or what exactly they are exiting for. They extend the length of leash for all they are worth but in time do learn to follow their master’s shadow and stay just ahead, sidewalking absentmindedly. 

*Type 2:  This medley of mutt is also interesting. The compilation of these breeds has potential but lacks inertia; an example of this camp is your Basset Hound; let’s take Oxymoron for instance.  These dogs normally make a livelihood pursuing, but, with nothing to chase, corner laxity-a dog bed is their best friend.  To even measure an IQ one must exert oneself at the outset. To be invited outside is an adventure for these types and paw alongside as they are still in a dream state-wake me when this is over.  

*Type 3:  Lastly, but, certainly not leastly, is that group of furssociates who their masters mistakenly believe it is they who are walking them. The prototype is your German Shepherd. These mates feignedly act excited and approach the door knob leash in mouth-however, it’s all to keep master happy. It is a dog eat dog world after all, and, if one wants the benefit of those refrigerated mutt meats one must cooperate. As expected, these pets can lag behind and are barely in the race so to speak.

*And, of course, there is the matter of teacup breeds, with no real demonstrable dog-walking to study. How does one ascertain these pocket IQs? It is almost like equating nominal physics to quantum, they just behave so much smaller, and, in some cases, contrary. Dr. Aberrants, has, however, published some novel findings. Video equipping large handbags he discovered what follows. It seems they know instinctively when one has it made in the shade. These micros were found positioning cell phones to the bottom of the satchel, texting while prancing on all 4s, accessing Wi-Fi and gingerly licking to scroll.  And, in this digital age, some owners still purchase with checks. He found proof of check carbons patiently nosed through and nested upon dropping a creased gastronomical hint when made out for dog meals.  

*Our next article will discuss the speed and pause ratio concerning cats and freestyle, yarnless, drape rappelling, not an often-observed occurrence and doubted by many. Curtain climbing is what they do to publicly entertain, private rappelling can subtract from those 9, but also serves to lionize and make one the mane of the house.

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